Art is....

Even though i tend to complain about all of the reading and lecturing, but sometimes we come across some really interesting and intense things, that are things that really hit me... today in my art readings class we are talking about the difference between Dionysian art and Apollonian art. The first is pure emotion and ecstasy through whatever your art is, and the second being more contemplative and thought evoking. We are talking about the differences between the two and what we could have if both were brought together. There are some things that just make you think about them, and take your thought process to great places. Then there are some things that you just feel, you can't necessarily say or decide what it is that moves you, but it is something, something beautiful and amazing that you just feel. It's so hard to explain the things that you feel when you hear a piece of music that moves you or see a dance that does the same, there are even pictures and other things that bring emotion to people, that we can't seem to explain. Inspiration, ideas, dreams, colors, movement, sound, words stone or steps. There was a paragraph in our reading for today that really stuck out to me, it's awesome, like the perfect way to describe dance and music and other kinds of art...

"In song and in dance man expresses himself as a member of a higher community; he has forgotten how to walk and speak and is on the way towards flying into the air, dancing. His very gestures express enchantment...he feels himself a god, he himself now walks about enchanted, in ecstasy, like the gods, he saw walking in his dreams. He is no longer an artist, he has become a work of art." -Nietzsche

Sometimes I really do get good things out of these classes, it makes me feel like I really am learning something. The point of this class was to learn to have an opinion of what art really is, i think i'm getting there.

life man....

life man. that's how i feel today. The past few weeks have been crazy! This past weekend I went down to Utah for a night to visit with my roommates from like 3 years ago. I'll be honest I was really nervous to go down before I did, cuz it's been a long time since we spent time together and I was going through a lot of really crazy things that last time that I was with them. It was really fun though and I wish I could have spent more time with them. It was really crazy to see how much everyone has changed. Still the same group of girls, but we've all grown and done so much since we lived together. I don't even know a word for it! Like watching some of your best friends become even better :). Hearing about the things that they've done and the things that they have gone through. They are all such amazing girls. I've been so blessed up here in Rexburg to have had so many roommates that have blessed life, since I've been here, and all the way up to the girls that I live with right now. It was really good for me to go hang out with them, it was really fun and an experience that I needed. Two of them have been married in the temple and graduated, one of them is in grad school, and the other just returned from a mission a few months ago... hahaha goes to show what I'VE accomplished in the past few years haha I'm working on it. I'm lucky to have such good example from past semesters and such good support now. life man.... it comes and it goes, sometimes too fast, I still wish that I had a pause button, or like a "lets slow down and just chill" button. Haha I try so hard to not have to grow up, because I don't want to. I think right about now a trip to never never land would be just what I need... I think that all those hundreds of times watching Peter Pan as a kid had a profound effect on my mind and the way that I think that life is supposed to be, I can blame Disney for all of my issues. When I was little the movies that were coming out were like all about being free and never growing up... haha oh man. So weird to be 24, just thinking it and saying it is like WOAH! So old! I was born in 1987, half my roommates were born in the 90's! crazy, it doesn't really make a difference I guess, cuz age is just a number and I still get along with just about everyone, but its just weird. Life man...

WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MUST I HAVE THIS PROBLEM?!

the end

venting...

just venting... this is a nice place to vent a little. it'll be quick cuz its late and i need sleep...

if there is one things that makes me mad, like really mad you've never seen nichole so mad... it's when someone is talking trash on my friends, or hurting them. nobody and i mean nobody, treats my friends like that and boy are you lucky that i was thinking as clearly as i was at that moment cuz it might have gotten ugly... you can say whatever you want to me, but you mess with somebody that i love then .... gah!! oh my freaking crap. back off.

gah... ok i'm done venting. but seriously.

Changes....

I don't like change. I really don't like change. It seems like as soon as I get comfortable and as soon as everything seems to be going so perfectly, it has to change. I wish it didn't have to be like that, granted if that were the case no one would ever get anywhere. I guess I just wish that there were some changes that we could do without. College life makes things interesting, for someone who dislikes change as much as me. Every 4 months, everything changes! New roommates, new classes, new teacher, all new people, sometimes a new apartment, sometimes a new ward, and so many other things. Friends come and go, people change, I change, sometimes the medicine that I take has to change.... which is probably why with all the deep heartfelt sadness/insight. I guess when things get tough, you don't notice the change as much because it comes as a relief... and that's why it seems like things change just when they get just so good. Because those are the things that we don't really want to let go of. I guess I should be used to letting go, and moving on and growing up, I've done a lot of all of that. Things last semester and this semester have just been so perfect. It's a time that I wish I could hold on to, and stay for just a little longer... that would be nice, if I could stay for just a little longer. But unfortunately, that isn't the case. I'm sad that so many friends have moved on, and I can't see them even once a week anymore, and we lose contact. I'm happy, and so lucky to have been allowed the opportunity to be blessed by so many people. I'm sad that last semester Melanie, Whitney and Carmelite left, but I got good new roommates this time too, and Shelley and Katie stayed for a bit! But now it's my time to move forward, and get married, to a wonderful man. The change won't be easy, but it will be good. Katie is leaving for nursing school and i'm going to miss her like crazy! Ali is going to Spain and I'm gonna miss her too! Gah!! People are coming back as I head off in my new direction. So much. Sometimes I wish life would just chill and give me a break! But I would never want to stop progressing.... it's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think I need to make sure the people that I love, know that I love them, and the people who have blessed my life know how grateful I am, and the people who are going to become part of my life need to know how excited I am.... so many good things that I want but I can't have them all. So good luck and I love you friends who are moving on, you have made my life better in ways that you will probably never know. Good luck to those still figuring stuff out, and look out new stuff here I come!! and that is that.

We were all Alice in Wonderland for Halloween!! So fun and everyone looked legit!

The Queen of Hearts and her fat boys hahaha so good!! I love that we all put our own twist on our costumes. Also three really amazing girls, who are always there to lift you up or just encourage. They are awesome.

Shelley has lived with me in the same room for almost 8 months and it has been epic!! We sleep the same , we have good times, and she still likes me haha! Such an amazing room-roommate! :)

I think I kinda like him, probly we'll get married :)

I'm going to miss moments like this a lot. Moments where we all come home at night and just talk and laugh together about or day, and take funny random pictures of the funny random things that we do! So many good times this semester and last. Friends as good as these are hard to find, I got lucky.

In love these girls so much, 2 semesters together and after this semester we are all headed in different directions. They are probably the two most kind and sincere people I have ever met. I don't know what I'm going to do without them. They're the kind of people who love you for who you are, no matter how crazy, awkward, or just plain weird you might be (I would know I'm all of the above) Shell and Katie

Good times, last semester single, life is good :) To all the girls that I have lived in northgate 101 with you're awesome! You will all do a lot of good for a lot of people.