HERE I GO AGAIN

    Yes, this is the version from the new movie (that I LOVED) but lately I feel like this song is the story of my life. Just think of me and listen to it! It's like this song was written for me! In fact I think Whitesnake wrote this song just for me... five years before I was born. That's right. Really I just feel a bit lonely lately. I'm definitely NOT regretting anything that has happened, just saying that sometimes, picking up and starting over can be really lonely. This song just makes lonely sound so much more exciting :) it makes my lonely feel hardcore, and that really does make it more exciting when I listen too it and I'm like "yea I hear ya, here i goooooooooooooooo"! I still wholly believe that I can do hard things, but that doesn't mean that the hard things aren't just that, hard. I mean I'm a people person, what does a people person do without people?!?! Shrivel up and die that's what!! Nope just kidding, maybe go a little insane, maybe it causes a rash... who knows. I'm hoping I find people soon. Living with my grandparents is fun, and granted they probably are a bit more lively than most, but they keep themselves busy and lets be honest, they aren't jumping at the chance to go out partying with me. I just miss being around people, being around my friends, and I'm even a bit homesick. I just keep telling myself there is a good plan at work here, I just don't know what it is yet! And I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time, so here I go again!! That was clever, I should get payed to write this stuff! Even if none of you laughed, I did. You know what else I miss?! I miss making people laugh! I love making people laugh and G&G don't always catch on to my funny. I just need to get a job, go to a new ward, and force and/or pay my nearby friends to hang out with me. And then find a club to sing at where I will get discovered and made famous. End of story.


Except not the end of my story, because today I started interval training running something or other.... running, I started running. My dad gave my this training thingy that he started using a while ago that really worked so I'm trying it out. It starts you off doing intervals of running and walking through the whole 30 mins. The altitude here is killing me, but I did make it through my first time! It slowly builds up to a 30min run, and then I don't know what happens after that because there are no instructions, I guess that's just when you never have to run again!! Just kidding. OH and tomorrow I have a job interview!! At this little fast food ish place called Chipotle. Wish me luck, better yet, pray for me! Yea it's only part time as far as I know, but it's a start! And as said above, the next step is to get discovered for my amazing vocals and get famous!!

i can do hard things

... especially with the Lord. That's the phrase that ran through my mind as I opened this new post and though of all of the hard things that I've done, with the Lord's help, in the past year. And then not only have I made it through those hard things alive, but I am happier than I have ever been, and growing a lot from each experience. I don't think I'm happier because these hard things have been any easier or anything like that, but I think I've learned/decided that the best way to face hard things is with hope and a smile. Don't get me wrong, my moments of not smiling do come and go, but then again what is the good without the bad. That is another one of the beg lessons that I have re-learned in the past months, that the good things wouldn't mean nearly as much to us without the bad things that we have to face.
   This past year, I did probably what was one of the things that was near the top of my scary things list. I got married... and then I got divorced. Getting married was always a scary idea for me, as I think it is for a lot of people. But I did what I felt was right, what I felt the spirit prompt me to do, and all though the outcome does not seem like a positive one, I have grown in ways that no other experience would have permitted in the same way. I know that the decisions I made through all of it were the right ones. It's been interesting, the effect that all of the craziness has had on me, and I'm sure that things worked out the way they did for a reason. I have been blessed to see the love and tender mercies of the Lord through all of it, and I now have a renewed sense of strength and faith. I feel more ready than ever to take on the world, and when the time is right, to get married again. I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and that is the most comforting feeling you could ever have. I learned that I really can do hard things, and I've always known that my Heavenly Father was there for me, but despite the heartache, I've been given an opportunity to see it from a different perspective, one that make me appreciate things so much more. I think that when that time does come, and I do find someone to marry again, it will be a special kind of marriage for me, I think it will be that much more precious to me because again, "what is the good without the bad" I've seen the bad! And when I find the good, it will be a very precious and special thing to me, and that's just me and how I decide to look at it. I feel like there is a lot of emotion in this subject and maybe I'm just beating a dead horse (hahahahaha that phrase!!) but again, I know that things worked out the way that they did for a reason. There were and are things that I needed to learn from those experiences, and I think that they are still coming. Even just to know that I can face what I have and make it out alive! Something else that has shown me that I can do hard things, especially with the Lord, was my cross country drive. It was soooo long, but I feel accomplished to be able to say that I did that! I drove across the country, just me and my car and lots of Heavenly help.
I can do hard things
I can do the things that the Lord asks of me, I can pass through the refiner's fire and feel the heat as the Savior helps me work out my flaws and weaknesses, and I know that He is.
I don't know what is going to happen next, I literally feel like I'm being led blindly into a new experience, and I can't wait! It's like after that happened, it just helps me to know that everything really will be ok! I can't wait to see what will happen, and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me. I know He's the one leading me by the hand right now, especially when things could seem so unsure.
I'm grateful for the refiner's fire, and for being helped along the way, I have an awesome family and awesome friends, and people who come into my life right when I seem to need them most. I'm ready to take on the world and whatever comes next. I know that everything is working out the way that it is supposed to and that I will be alright. And I am never left alone, not even when things seem the darkest, I am never alone and I can do hard things.

here we go

Well, here we go. Tomorrow is my last day in New Hampshire for a while. I'm moving and getting out on my own for real. We can pretend that's what college was, but everyone knows that college isn't really the cold cruel world. I don't know what is going to happen and it's mostly just one big leap of faith. I'm excited and nervous at the same time, I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I really hope I can get a good job doing something that I love. At first I'm pretty sure that I will get whatever job will let me support myself, and honestly I don't even know exactly what job I want, I mean don't get me wrong, I know what I love and definitely have a few dream job ideas, but then there comes the problem of being qualified, which isn't too big a deal, maybe then just more school, but that would be more money.... hmm, oh well, I'm still working things out. Haha I always have been one to kinda half plan and half make it up as I go. That's how I feel right now! I mean I had a plan, get married, check, live happily ever after or aka not have to make any immediate plans because he had almost three years left of school... well not check, needless to say things changed! See all that time I spent planning a wedding and dating that loser (if that sounds harsh, well, get used to it, he totally screwed me over...) is when I would have been planning an internship and looking for jobs and a stable career. Oh well, I'm over it, really I am, just trying to figure out what happens next. I dunno, there wasn't really a point to this post, just feeling like I wanted to get on here and say some stuff. Man I'm even short on witty comments tonight! Well wish me luck and pray for me! It's a long drive to make by yourself! And it's going to be interesting trying to figure out what to do with my life! Sorry if this post is boring, I feel like it's boring and I don't like it when I bore myself. Maybe it's because I'm tired... Oh well, time for bed!