time for some changes...

I think that it's time for me to make some big changes (haha big changes... like the last 6 months haven't been just that) But with everything that has happened in the last 6 months, I'm taking this as an opportunity for a new start, and I'm serious about this. I'm about to get even more awesome.

Already accomplished:
- graduated college :)
- got off meds :)
- better sleep schedule
- got a car
- found a place to live in Utah (temporarily, until I find a job there)

Those are some of that things that I've accomplished in the last few months that I am quite proud of. Getting off my Concerta is now a matter of staying off of it and finding more natural ways of keeping my ADHD in check, because I don't want to be on a stimulant for the rest of my life!! I've already ready about some natural things that I can start taking and working into my diet that will help. Also the better sleep schedule will help with it, more exercise and eating better, and those things are part of my goals for the future. Oh and by the way, the better sleep schedule things is not an easy things for me haha but I'm doing it! So now for what I have planned for myself for the next little while:

GOALS:
- Work out every day (starting tomorrow Jillian will be helping me with that) I've been trying to do a little every day up until now. I've been trying to count calories, but that is that HARDEST PART! And of course along with that will be losing the weight. My goal is to lose 65-70 lbs. It's going to take a lot of hard work and dedication, and it won't be easy, but I really want it. Lets hope I can make it work.
-Get to the temple more! Once a week would be nice, but if I can even do 2 or 3 times a month that would be great! At least for now. Once I get to Utah it will be a lot closer.
- Leave for Utah within the first week of September. (This is pretty much set, just depends a bit on some other people's schedules.)
- Get a job, in Utah, whatever paying job I can find, and when I can, a job I will love!
- Find an apartment in the city (depending on when I find a job and how much I make)
- Take classes! I graduated college, but I still want to keep learning, and I want to learn more about what I've been studying to maybe help myself have some more experience and more of a specific direction.
- Start fresh, make new friends, get involved with people and in my ward.

So the plan is in motion! Today I feel like I have so much to look forward to! I'm so exited to get going and to really get myself out there and doing my thing. Like I said before, it's time for some major changes :)

one of those weeks

I guess it's just been one of those weeks... ugh, I hate those one of those weeks. I've been particularly emotional this week, and I'm not enjoying it. Pretty sure it's just one of the many joys of being a girl. Really it's been a great week too! My plans are all coming together so awesomely! With lots of help of course. I'm home for a bit to spend time with my family after all that's gone down (and for those of you who just tuning in, divorce has gone down. Long story but he was just really really bad news.) Brought home my first car, and when I say first car I mean that I personally will be paying this little baby off for the next few years. I feel quite proud :) this is Bruce, and 1,000 points to anyone who can tell my why I would pick that name. I dunno if that's a hard question or an easy one. Or if anyone reads my blog lately. Anyway, car, check.

In about a month I will be making the long drive out to Utah where I will be looking for a job and an apartment. Living with my grandparents until I find both, and hopefully both are in the city :) And that is the plan. Everything is going quite well and so far I feel really good about all of this. And don't worry everyone, I've been keeping the Lord as a big part of all my planning! So far, so good. OH and more in the terms of good news, I am, and have been for like 2 weeks (i know that doesn't seem like long but in this case, it is) not been on any medication. Somewhere between growing a lot in the past few months and an added blessing of strength I'm doing really really well without medication (which was for ADHD) ask my parents! It's been going really well and I feel a lot better most days!
      Despite all of this (which I am extremely grateful and excited for) it has just been one of those weeks. Emotional, emotionally draining, and for no reason just downright emotional. I've been a bit lonely. Yea, yea I know everyone says it's a good idea for me to take a break and relax and have some time for myself, and yes those are things I am trying to do, but I don't like having ALL of my time to myself! I need stuff going on around me and as nice as it's been to chill, I don't really have any friends left in New Hampshire, and it's been kind of tough. Nothing I can't handle, but you know, we all know how that can feel sometimes. And sometimes in situations like these you learn who your real friends are. I'm pretty sure most of them are real, I mean as far as I know I stopped imagining friends right after high school!! (that was a joke) And I'll be honest, sometimes it just makes me so angry that someone who pretended to be so nice, and someone who acted like he loved me so much was just a big faker liar selfish poophead. I just don't get how people can do that. Why pretend to be someone that you aren't? Why lie to look better? Why pretend to love someone?? And even if he really did love me, I cannot and will never understand how you can treat someone you love the way that I was treated? Ugh, sorry, just venting. Haha, someone call me. I need someone to real life vent to or I just might start making up imaginary friends.... I know I know, "Nichole just call someone..." but it just doesn't feel that easy. It is that easy but at the same time it isn't, and I pray no one who reads this ever has to understand why that is. I don't even really understand yet? Probably never really will.
    See! See... this is what happens when I'm left with some "time to myself" or possibly just when it starts to get to late for me to think clearly, something else anyone who's ever lived with me or had a sleepover with me, will understand :)
    Man I just wanna get out there!! Get anywhere!! I wanna be out there, anywhere working and saving money and being stinking loaded cuz I'm single (ha jk... kinda) and meeting new people (possibly new and much nicer men people) and just feeling like I'm really doing it! There need to be people around to laugh when I say something comical, because we all know that I have a lot of off handed moments. Maybe I'll hire someone for that one...
    Ok, now it's getting late, can you tell from the last couple paragraphs? Goodnight, and thanks for listening lifeless computer screen, oh and anyone else who reads this :)

oh and btw, these are always supposed to be much shorter than they end up being... I just can't help myself.