hmm... haha here we go again... another late night... er early morning rant. But hey as long as I have a blog that will listen to me without complaining, I might as well use it! :) This just might sound like so many other people who like to complain about cliche and typical things.... but it's not. It's not that because I'm not just your cliche, typical kind of girl. Then again, it is almost 5 in the morning....
So what next? I'm just gonna up and say it... it's hard. It's hard getting on facebook or wherever everyday and seeing a new set of wedding pictures posted, or another mission call, or whatever else... mostly that first one. How long am I going to have to wait?! Everyone seems to have something coming and going for them... I've honestly lost count of how many of my friends got married this summer, and if not that, they've been leaving and returning from missions, working on grad school, starting families, all kinds of things... I thought about a mission, it's just not in the cards right now, neither is grad school. Those things are awesome and wonderful for the people who are pursuing them! It makes me soooo happy to see my friends progress and chase their dreams, and do the things that they need to be doing. It makes me happier than anyone could ever know to watch my friends find their eternal companions and get to go to the temple, or to watch as the friends I grew up with are having families... getting to watch and be nearby, and in someways, a part of all of their lives still.... It makes me so happy!! I can't even tell you!!! but... when on earth will it be my turn?!? I trust my Heavenly Father, so much. I know He has an important plan for me, and that it's all constantly in the working. But unfortunately patients is not always one of my stronger attributes. I want to be loved like that, I'm ready and willing to give that love to someone. I want to go to the temple, and I have the goal for myself to do that right before I get married, which still feels right. Ever just saying it, it feels like I'm never going to get "there". I know, it sounds ridiculous... but my entire being aches to find those things. Love, the temple, a family.... oh boy. I don't know what else to do. I'm doing my best, to be my best and trying so hard to become all that Heavenly Father needs me to be. I'm trying to be my best self... I do all that I can, but really I don't ever quite know what I'm doing. I'm sorry if this sounds familiar, or like the same stupid rant that so many go on... but it's not those things.... it's so much deeper than that... but hey this is me... i'm only a decent writer. Have me write you a song about it and I can drive you to tears :) oh heavens... what am I gonna do. I trust Heavenly Father, but not always myself... pretty sure I have a part to do, and sometimes I worry I'll miss my cue. Oh man, it hurts soooo much, I can't even tell you!! I guess it could be worse though.... at least I'm not ugly!!! :)
Anyway.... yes I'm terribly sad about this whole thing, but I do find reasons to smile every day, and remember that life is so worth living!! :) My hand is injured... for those who don't know I did something to it... in a skateboarding accident... probly ruined some ligaments. Lame. And typing this has made it hurt but it needed to be out... my work never did give me hours, lame... A little less than 2 weeks left. My heart is torn... honestly I'm not ready to go back quite yet. 7 weeks just isn't long enough for a summer break!! But I am excited to see Kayleen and her family, and meet her new little boy!!! I've already started getting to know one of my soon to be roommates (i don't know any of them) but one of them found me on facebook and we chatted a bit... come to find out her brother served his mission here when I was in high school. And he remembered me!! Does anyone remember the kid that ate like 32 pancakes at seminary/breakfast at the Kilger's that one time... haha yea, that's right. small world!!! Mom and dad are still out of town visiting the LDSBC with Melissa, so it's still just me and Tabitha. Kelsey's coming to hang out for a couple days on wednesday, which I'm looking forward too, and mom and dad will be home wed. night.
I remember him! Elder Myrvang right? He was in our ward, left, and then came back. Unless you mean the guy that broke his record. I don't remember his name.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right. You're NOT ugly. You're BEAUTIFUL! And your time will come. Just have your friends do what mine did. Set you up on a whole bunch of dates until you're just sick of dating and you give up. That's when I met Colin.
hahaha nice Katie, that's a good idea... but I wonder how many single boys my married girlfriends know... I'm just impatient :) yea it was Elder Myrvang!! His sister is going to be one of my roommates this fall!! I knew I recognized the name but I couldn't place it at first, then she facebooked me about how he remembered me and had a scrapbook page with a picture of our class that we all wrote notes on!! it's crazy!!!
ReplyDeletei'm excited for you to come home and meet Makai too. We miss you!
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